I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
