I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
