The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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