i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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