I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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