Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
