i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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