In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
