drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
