shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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