Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
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