I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
