Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
