What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
