I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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