I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
