But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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