how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
