OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
