who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
