On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
