Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
