I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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