New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
