i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
