The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
