At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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