maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
