sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
