Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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