I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
