i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
