Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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