my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
