I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
