got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
