Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
