Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
