Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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