I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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