wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
