I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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