Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
