All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
