Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
