Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
