Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
