so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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