He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize