We named our party play list daddy issues
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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