ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you had me at cake vodka
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
