with your own penis?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
