he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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