she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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