we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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