Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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