dude i'm inner monologue high
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
