Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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