i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
