Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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