Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
