Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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