I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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