Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Are my feet made of real feet?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
