So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
