Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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